4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
