Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
