'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
