this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize