you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Sober January is a disaster.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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