i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
