we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
