Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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