Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
