So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
