last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
