This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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