I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
