Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
