she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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