i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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