I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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