this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
