was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
