I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize