Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
