In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
