Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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