I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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