at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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