I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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