I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
