Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
