I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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