question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
