You smell like a Billy Joel song
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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