Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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