tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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