He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Less talking, more tequila
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize