he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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