Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
