dude i'm inner monologue high
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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