ugly people sure do ruin things
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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