Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
