I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
