It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
