why didn't you poke me back
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
