Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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