i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
