Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
