Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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