I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
