I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
