I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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