dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
