We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
honey bunches of taint.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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