do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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