just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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