We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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