Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
