i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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