He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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