Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
