we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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