I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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