i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
