You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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