Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
