Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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