I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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