I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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