you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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