Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize