I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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