what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
