i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
