They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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