are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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