I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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