What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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