there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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