my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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