It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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