Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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