I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Floor bacon is actually really good
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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