just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
