i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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