I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
