Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I could make wine with my vomit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
