last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
