Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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