u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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