you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
