Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize