I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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