Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she woke up with a sticky ear
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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