Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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