So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
