im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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