I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
