The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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