There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize