It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize