yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
