woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
