Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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