after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
