You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
