she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
