i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
