you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
